picture of life

its 4am and i still can’t sleep, so i decided to write.let’s see if something good will come of it. bear in mind im on medication,hahah.(tunog psycho ang fotah-cough & flu meds lang.) lately some of my friends and i were discussing stuff, as you do. now that we’re older and tried to look back at things we used to do, what we used to be like way back then, not that a lot has changed (though some might argue.) it is not a case of regretting the past,regardless of how stupid we handled things and issue before, how immature we were. its more like reminiscing and trying to infuse some spies by putting a little touch of what we know & how we’ll react now. which brought me to conclude that we didn’t play hard then, because of the fear of rejection & objection from anyone, values has a lot to answer for. not to mention the unreasonable reasoning of a young mind, always advanced but often thinking the worst case scenerio. so i take my hat off (didn’t think i’d say this) to those who dare, who didn’t care what others think of them,to the free spirited who had the time of their lives. we on the other hand is having a good time catching up.lol! we’d like to think we’re a bit wiser now. like a good wine that gets better in time.

         nakakatawa na nakakaloka!!!! dati dati nung sa pinas naiinis ako sa bahay dahil puro teleserye ang pinapanood, corny sabi ko lagi.habang kinikilig itong 2 kong pamangkin.well sabi nga nila what goes around comes around, ayan salamat sa friend kong si angie at ngayon eh mega tutok ako sa pinoychannel,at naaliw sa telenovela hahaha. corny pa din pero nakakatawa at feeling ko nasa pinas lang ako, nakahiga at nakataas ang paa sa sofa (ganyan ako manood sa amin eh.hehe) nakakatanggal homesick kahit papaano. hay miss ko na ang familya ko sa pinas, nami miss ko nadin yung fishball sa hi-way. at ang matatamis na murahan ng kapit bahay namin at lalong lalo na ang halo halo at siomai ng chowking.ooops baka magtampo si abel, tsempre ang lugaw ni abel.hayyyyyyy……….

ang tagal ko ng hindi umiinom(laklak ba), kung bakit ba naman kasi kung kelan ko pa sinabi sa mga kasamahan ko na” i dont drink much and i know when i’ve had enough-I’ll just stop….full stop! ha ha. how wrong can i get!!! we drunk until we were senseless, we were dancing like mad, i dont even remember most of the night,just flashback.ha ha! it must a been a good night out then. the only thing though,one of the surgeon has shown me evidence on photo………I’m still decent but yeah i look pretty stoned. one of my mates was telling me,no she says you held yourself well, you even said excuse me I’m just gonna be sick in front of the surgeons and run to the toilet. i seem to remember talking to subu(one of our consultant) holding hands and shooting the shit,apparently i told Stan when he picked me up, that i hope he was pissed too or we’ll all be in trouble.me and my big mouth.oops.i probably told him how crap he was. We’ll came Monday we were all giggly and  giving each other looks,trying to make the puzzles of event meet-we cant recall much, even the nice one who had to stay sober for next day shift,she looked after me and Tracy very well(taking my bag,following me in the loo,and not losing my coat)she says shes sprayed perfume on me and spare me some mint when i was throwing up,ugly picture huh!i simply don’t remember any of it.i know i was drinking her drinks which i thought was water,now you know how drunk i was. i remember drinking wine and shots about 5, not altogether of course and throwing the sambuca on the floor and pretending i drunk it . now the ward staff calls me drunken bum and surgeons looking at me with a silly smile coz i was wiggling my tush on the ground.fun! never again………

           when we were younger, our minds are set to the ideal world. we have this perfect picture of what we want out of life.You probably even have the groom in your wedding(i did!), you’ve already pick the white gown you wanna wear( tania?), how many kids you’ll have, have a fabulous job, own a few cars, travel the world, etc…etc….etc until reality hits us hard. BAM! Suddenly the picture you painted is slowly fading away. Your ideal man/woman isn’t so ideal anymore, nag sisisi kana kung bakit kaba nag pakasal sa kumag mong asawa, hinahanap mo narin ang expiry date ng marriage contract nyo. (sori no return-no exchange).

Ngayon naman pilit mong nire-rewind ang kahapon, marami kang mga ‘what if’, pati ang mga guys/girls na di papasa sayo nun, ngayon kino consider mo na. You couldn’t believe your eyes when you saw ———–(*fill in the gap) driving his/her new car, at yung classmate mong di naman kagandahan eh naka kuha ng doctor-pilit mo ng dinidiscover kung ginayuma ba nya ang gwaping. Kung successful nman ang kakilala mong dati akala mo walang mowang, inaasume mo na bka may backer?

if anybody could see through the future, ade ang saya saya! but you’ll never know how it feels to succeed when you never fail, how to appreciate being happy when you were never sad, what it feels like to be with the right man/woman when you never met the wrong one. so sack the fairy tale ending and make your journey worth while. live and learn. Stop worrying about tomorrow or you’ll never enjoy today. make the most of what you’ve got,it’s never too late to work on your own happy story.

recently napapansin ko dumadami na ang party na inaattendan ko, yes, di tayo naging papular, children’s party! ang mga b-day natin di na masyadong sine celebrate,dahil malapit ng pauno ang cake! minsan nga wala ng cake kandila na lang,di bale mawala man tayo sa calendar may bingo card pa naman.

kung dati-dati masyado tayong abala sa paghanap,kung ano ang bagong pampaputi, pampatangal ng pimples, at kung ano ang bagay ibigay sa classmate mong may putok, well ngayon pag tumitingin ka sa salamin medyo nakaka worried na ang lines sa noo at ang eye bags, pati ang skin mo di na ksing ganda ng dati, kung ano anong cream naman ngayon ang hanap natin to prevent the sign of aging. kung dati pag may nagtanong sayo kung ilang taon kana, ang bilis mong sumagot ng 21! ngayon pag may nagtanong pinapahulaan mo nalang, kung mababa nakaka flattered, tsaka mo palang sasabihin ang totoo, pag medyo lumampas ang sarap saktan ng kausap mo.haha.

dati masyado tayong demanding sa mga parents natin tungkol sa baon, marami tayong naiimbentong bayarin, at ang tuition laging may 20% na kickback, eh ngayon tayo na ang pinag dedemandan! (buti di ganyan si ina) minsan wala pa ang pay pocket mo ubos na ang sweldo. bayad sa mortgage, council tax, pension, at kung ano- anong pang bill na naimbento ng gobyerno.kung bilbil nalang ba ang kunin nila masaya pa tayo.

dati pag may naka k-swiss na shoes sa school, big tym kana, or pag naka kain  ka sa shakeys,sam’s diner or fridays. eh nagyon gusto mo na ang mga hate na hate mo dati-yung daing, tuyo, pakbet or talbos ng kamote, minsan pati spinach nilalagyan mo na ng suka at sibuyas maging kalasa lang. at ngayon kung ilan at anong sasakyan na ang labanan, well im sticking to kariton! al fresco ba!

dati napapa galitan tyo pag nagtatagalog ka sa english class, ngayon naiinis ka sa mga pinoy na ayaw magtagalog! putaragis na buhay to no, wala kang itulak sipain! totoo na ang buhay parang bola. minsan ikaw yung nasa taas minsan ikaw ang nasa ibaba, minsan ikaw ang humihingi,next tym ikaw ang hihingan,minsan ikaw ang pinagpapasensyahan minsan ikaw ang magpasensya, minsan ikaw ang pangit, minsan matuto mong tanggapin! oha akala mo makakalusot ka! kailangan nalang nating tawanan ang buhay minsan, kung hindi mabilis malalagas ang buhok nating numinipis na at ang wrinkles ay lalong dadami. bow!

I’ve lived away from home for about seven years give or take,and every time i went home,its  feels like i wanna turn back the time and be where i left at,see familiar faces,be at the same school and wear those tiny uniforms,its funny how i wished i was older when i was little and the opposite now that I’m older.i guess its my comfort zone, then someone tells you what you should or not do,now  you decide and face the consequences of whatever decision you make.(wala kanang masisisi kundi sarili mo).among all those i missed my old friends,the letters we used to write,the sleep over,spying on somebody,lakwatsa at inumang palihim.ang walang katapusang kwento at pag eemote.that’s why i would surely go to church Sunday 10-11malolos cathedral ,hoping to bump into an old pal.time changes peoples lives but it will never change the mem’ries,it will just make it sweeter.so next year when i go home,I’ll be doing the same thing again,hope to see you-gaya ng dati.